Carl Sagan Ruined My Party (A Story of Perfectionism)

I sat back in my chair, staring blankly at my computer screen, slowly coming to terms with the sentence I had just read.

I had just been levelled by a major truth bomb.

All I could think was “Carl, why you gotta play me like that?”

The kindly scientist whose video on tesseracts and the fourth dimension had captivated me for hours, and who made my cry with his famous pale blue dot speech had just punched me right in the gut and taken the wind right out of me.

How, you ask?

With this:

BRB, Questioning Everything

A couple of months ago, I was speaking on a panel alongside other local entrepreneurs and creative thinkers. One of the questions for the evening was “what keeps you up at night?”

My answer went something like this:

I like to work on big problems. Big problems like gender parity in leadership and redefining ambition and success. Problems that have thousands of ‘sub-problems’, and even more ways to approach them.

So I educate myself — I read about, write about, and immerse myself in these complex issues. I become intimately familiar with these problems, and over time, I begin to develop potential solutions that address some facet of the problem that I would like to test.

But sure enough, as I lie awake in bed at night, I begin to question myself and my proposed solutions — what if they don’t work? is it the right place to start? am I being too narrow-minded? am I missing something?

And that’s why Carl Sagan’s words impacted me so profoundly — they spoke to a deep-seated fear of being wrong.

But not for the reason you think.

I don’t fear being wrong because it is the opposite of being right — I fear being wrong because I work on things that I am deeply passionate about, and the thought of working on something that ends up being ‘wrong’ is terrifying.

The prospect that all the hard work, love, and time poured into something I care about could end up being futile is really, really scary.

A Reminder about the Start

I constantly have to remind myself that a start is just that — a start.

It does not have to be complete. It does not have to be perfect. It just has to be a start.

I’ve recently come to the point where I am completely and totally fed up by my fears. I am tired of worrying and doubting myself. I am frustrated by the valuable time that I am quite literally stealing from myself when I lie awake in bed at night worried about how I’m going to tackle these problems.

I know that I am not a reckless or impulsive person. I know that any solution/initiative/product/service that I develop will be the result of careful study and deliberation, and that it will be based on what I understand to be the truth at that time.

And if when my understanding of the truth grows and changes as I progress, the only way it can possibly reflect poorly on me is if I don’t adapt myself and my offering to this new-found information.

Because Carl Sagan wasn’t telling me not to start until I had a firm grip on the absolute truth (if that’s even possible), he was telling to remain open. To let go of my ego to make space for discovery and growth. To welcome truth with open arms.

And that, I can do.

We all have limiting beliefs, and we all need help to overcome them — what are your favourite ways to move beyond fear into possibility? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below, or tweet me @nskbelanger!